Rob’s Birthday

Posted on 14 October 2005

Happy Birthday Rob,
59 Years Young

Rob with oysters
His lips bestow kisses that send me to heaven.

Comfortable together
His arms comfort me.

The man I married
This is the man
I swore to love and honour,
not obey.

Our children
These are our progenies and prodigies.

This morning I gave Rob a card that included
a quote by Sharon Olds:

“By knowing him, I get to know
the purity of the animal
which mates for life”

And even though it is Rob’s birthday, I will not paint an ideal picture of him or us. We do not always see eye to eye. We don’t always give the other what he or she needs. But what I love about him (and sometimes hate about him) is his independence because, in many ways, it forced me, then helped me to to do what I had to do to be independent. For the most part, we both do what we damn well please and sometimes it includes the other though often it doesn’t.

A few days ago I was reading Woodman and I was reminded of Rob: In Conscious Feminity, she says “I think they[women] are valuing their men more. They are seeing their men as human beings and saying, ‘I love you enough to say this is who I am and I will no longer pretend to be someone I’m not. I will no longer try to live up to your image of me.’” But, in my mind, it is not Rob’s image of me that I have tried to live up to but more what I project is his image of me.

So I have fought myself for my independence and he, though he hasn’t always been happy about my comings and goings, hasn’t tried to stop me nor has he tried to make me feel guilty. This is a big deal for me and I love him for it.

” I don’t know where he got
his kindness without self-regard,
almost without self, and yet
he chose one woman, instead of the others.”

(Happy Birthday, dear Rob. Next year the big 60 in France.)


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