Rebellious stomach

Posted on 22 September 2006

I am in our little house in France. Alone. My body gave up on me an evening ago. Whether it was something I ate or pure exhaustion, I woke in the middle of the night in pain, my stomach heaving. I ran to the washroom, knelt by the bowl, and a fountain of partially digested food shot from my mouth. How does this happen? Not often in my life have I vomited and it always surprises me. What force in the gut takes over and has the power to push all out the way it entered?

I washed my face and stumbled back to bed. I awoke twice more during the night and the same thing happened – only less violently. Even water wasn’t allowed to stay put. I slept till two the next afternoon and had just enough energy to put some clothes on and walk carefully down to the store at the foot of the town to buy bread sticks, chicken noodle soup, and coca cola – the only three things that I know are good for a rebellious stomach.

After eating, I slept till eleven the next day, or today rather – a miracle as six hours is usually my max. I feel a little light headed and look a little rough but my stomach is calm so soon I will shower and drive into town for groceries.

The highlight of this low time is that I began reading “Three Steps on the Ladder of Writing” by Helene Cixous. She uses language in such a unique way that I found myself whispering yes, yes, yes and immediately want to attack my manuscript and let my pen fly without letting that damn censor cut me down, make me doubt my lust, my love of words…


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